Special Guest - Jennifer Whitney: A Good Father ... And My Struggle (Part Two)

“This was a difficult thing to do,” admits guest Jennifer Whitney, when asked how she felt about sharing Part One of her story last week and continuing this week. She concurs, being vulnerable is not easy. “When I talk about my dad and his choices, it often makes people uncomfortable. Most have no idea what to say and get embarrassed for asking about my family of origin in the first place. Consequently, I'm not accustomed to openly discussing my background and I often struggle to diffuse others' discomfort.”

We’re grateful for Jennifer’s willingness to share from her heart in an effort to help us all learn from her story and build community.

Jennifer continues with Part Two of her story:

After many years of living with internal pain I couldn’t escape emotionally, I escaped geographically, instead, but for a good cause. I left my life in Georgia to serve as a short-term missionary in Pisa, Italy with Cru (formerly known as Campus Crusade for Christ). As I worked to reach college students, I found instead, they were reaching me. Funny how that happens, isn’t it? The more I served, the more I realized anger at my dad was also causing anger toward God. This revelation didn’t just surprise me, it actually stunned me. I began to feel an overwhelming need to forgive my dad for abandoning me all those years ago, and even more, I felt I also needed to repent of holding God accountable for allowing my dad to leave me in the first place.

Once home, I sought counseling to overcome my difficult past and all the false self-beliefs I had stored up. It was immensely freeing. I also learned the power of forgiveness. Both enabled me to slowly experience acceptance, peace, and joy which had been missing from my life. And, something even bigger stirred in me and told me it was high time to stop living as an orphan and begin walking as a beloved child of the one Father who had been with me all along.

The internal changes I was making led to external changes in my life, as well. I began dating a wonderful man and felt safe enough to pursue a relationship with him without the crushing fear he would leave me, as my earthly father had done. I allowed myself to trust him. So much, in fact, that he proposed and I accepted. God was doing a big work in my life and I was trusting Him with my future rather than looking back at my past.

When circumstances are tough, however, it's easy to return to old thought patterns. Two years ago, I was hospitalized with pregnancy complications. Prior to the birth of my daughter, she was diagnosed with a Tetralogy of Fallot, a critical heart defect. I spent weeks battling worry for her health and mine, and often felt alone and even forsaken. In the moments when fear overtook me and the reality of her diagnosis and everything that could go wrong brought me to my knees, there was a verse that kept me from going under. It was the rope that helped me hold on when I was at my weakest: Psalm 27:10, 13-14: "Though my father and mother forsake me, the Lord will receive me; I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living. Wait for the Lord, be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord."

Our precious Abigail was born five weeks early by unplanned C-section. When she reached 12 weeks, we handed our baby over to the surgical staff at Children's Healthcare of Atlanta for open-heart surgery.

Abigail spent her first Thanksgiving sedated in the Cardiac ICU, dealing with post-surgical complications. Her recovery was frustratingly slower than we expected, but we did not despair. We waited. And kept waiting. God used the most difficult time of our lives to prove again and again that He is a good Father. The day of Abigail's discharge, I wrote in my journal, "God is so good to walk with us and offer His true life in Christ."

There are days and even seasons I still struggle with the void of not having a dad in my life. I am learning to live with voids. I am grateful for the husband I have and the ability to watch him be a loving father to my children. And that has been more healing for me than I ever anticipated.

That indiscreet young man I mentioned at the beginning of the post? His insight and understanding compensated for his comical lack of tact. I realized I couldn’t live without him. He won me over. He is the guy I allowed myself to trust enough to eventually become my husband. Matt has repeatedly demonstrated the love of the Father to me for fifteen years and I’m grateful for his love every day.

And I’ve finally began to look in mirrors again and no longer run from cameras.

Join me in thanking Jennifer for her honesty, transparency, and vulnerability!

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